Note: If you and I anytime acquisition ourselves on a bare island, and we alone acquire abundant aliment and baptize for one actuality and alone one internet connection, I affiance to asphyxiate you with my pillow as an act of mercy. It will be a actual difficult time for me and I apperceive you’d do the aforementioned if our roles were reversed.
By the Numbers:Days `til the midterm elections: 60Days `til Daylight Saving Time ends: 51President Bush’s approval appraisement in the new CBS News/New York Times poll: 36%Two-decade abatement in Americans who acquire in evolution: -5% (it’s 40% currently—ugh.)Number of 33 avant-garde nations surveyed, besides Turkey and America, that acquire a lower percent of its citizenry that doesn’t acquire in evolution: 0(Source: Science via The Week magazine)Percent of dog owners who would acquire a 5 percent pay cut if they could accompany their dog to work: 32%(Source: Dogster/Simply Hired analysis via Details)
And from the Department of No-Land Security:
Days the color-coded federal alarm active arrangement has been in place: 1,635Days spent at alarm active akin Blue or Green: 0
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: “Hey, don’t accusation me—Bush is the one who told me to action alarm by activity shopping. Oh, the acclaim agenda aggregation called. Something about yer balance…”
CHEERS to one helluva show. Is there any catechism now that bloggers rule? While the acceptable media looked the added way, we—the citizens media—banded calm and appear a fact-filled torrent of infodrenaline at Disney and ABC. Now they’ve incurred the acrimony of Bill Clinton, House leaders, Senate leaders, Families of September 11 and dozens of added reality-based titans. And we never alike bankrupt a sweat. Proud to apperceive ya.
CHEERS to Scholastic. They did the appropriate affair by bottomward out of ABC’s 9/11 copy of Ann Coulter Theatre. Five added account of alcove for everyone!
JEERS to deserting your post. The letter starts out, Dear Abby, and goes decline from there.
I charge your admonition on how to breach an assurance with my fiancé, whose bout of assignment in Iraq has been continued four added months. He has been there eight months, and during his absence, I met addition abroad I would like to alpha dating. I didn’t appetite to accent out my fiancé, and I capital to delay until he alternate to allocution to him, but now I feel too guilty, so I charge to abode it soon. Please advice me.—FEELING GUILTY, MEMPHIS
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: It’s time to abound up and anticipate about addition added than yourself. There is article added important appropriate now than abating your guilt. It’s authoritative abiding that annihilation distracts your fiancé from the job he is doing—and will be accomplishing until he is cautiously aback home. Beneath no affairs should you address him a “Dear John” letter or acquaint him annihilation that could agitate or abase him. If you feel accusable now, how do you anticipate you would feel if he was afflicted or dead afterwards you dumped that affectionate of account on him? I can’t accent acerb abundant how important it is that you put his animosity aboriginal appropriate now. What you acquire in apperception can delay until his bout of assignment is abaft him.
HUZZAH to Maine’s #1 hero. Happy 178th altogether to General Joshua Chamberlain. He captivated Little Round Top adjoin cutting allowance during the action of Gettysburg, allowance save the arctic from the south George Allen. Pay your respects here. Bonus CHEERS to Jeff Daniels’ aboveboard assuming of Chamberlain…the best affair about the contrarily abominable Ted Turner movie, `Gettysburg.’
JEERS to citizenry “security”. Thirty nine percent of Americans say they feel beneath safe beneath the post-9/11 aphorism of King George the above cocaine-sniffing deserter, while alone 14 percent say they feel added safe. And afresh there’s this:
[B]y a four-to-one allowance (48 percent to 12 percent), Americans anticipate the war in Iraq has fabricated the blackmail of agitation adjoin the United States worse rather than better.
On the upside, sixty two percent say they feel “very” or “somewhat” safe now that Citizenry Security has bargain the color-coded Evil Pixie Blackmail Akin to “fuchsia with blooming sparkles.”
CHEERS to axis a new corner. Look, everybody! Iraq aloof took ascendancy of its own military. Now that they’ve “stood up,” we can “stand down,” right? Right? Right? Right?
>>>3 years later…<<<
Right? Right? [tap tap] Is this affair on?
JEERS to chargeless passes. Thirty two years ago today, Admiral Ford accepted an actual absolution to Richard “I am not a cheat except Monday through Sunday from 6am ’til midnight” Nixon. C&J acknowledges it was apparently all-important anesthetic for a burst nation. But seeing Tricky Dick abaft confined would’ve been boss therapeutic.
CHEERS to “Patriot.” In Connecticut, the Lamont attack is aback with a new ad. How acceptable is it? It’s the aboriginal one for a baby-kisser that has ever—and I alternate to accept this—ever fabricated me breach up. But in a audacious way. It was testosterone comin’ out of my ducts, I acquaint you. Let’s move on and allege no added of it.
CHEERS to whatzisname (as if anyone cares). A Senate console said “Naaaah” to renewing John Bolton’s authorization to berate, annoy and belittle the U.N. Shortly afterwards he heard the news, he was bent cutting the Ambassador from Madagascar in the thigh with a pencil. You don’t wanna apperceive what he would’ve done if he’d been in a acerb mood.
JEERS to the scumsuckers of democracy. Digby has apparent Robert Greenwald’s new cine Iraq: For Sale…
Several times bodies in the blur bluntly allege the men active KBR, Blackwater, et al of advisedly endangering the lives of soldiers and their own advisers in following of profit. The appellation “cold-blooded murderers” is too affectionate a chat to alarm these men. The aforementioned goes for high-placed admiral in this, the affliction of all American presidencies, who acquire blocked investigations into the war profiteers and in actuality rehired them, not alone for Iraq but additionally to absorb up funds for the cleanup afterwards Katrina.
Even for those of us who already apperceive all this, the blur dramatizes the arduous admeasurement of it in such a way as to accomplish it infuriating all over again. A charge see.
Watch the bivouac and some benefit scenes here. When Democrats booty over the House in November, I wanna see these jerks sittin’ in a cage by December…juuuuust alfresco the Blooming Zone.
CHEERS to yesterday’s aigrette event. The acceptable news: the House anesthetized a bill that stops the annihilation of horses for meat. (Bush, of course, opposes it because he never met a bearcat he didn’t wanna torture. Will this be his additional affecting veto?) The bad news: all the horses they save will charge to be adopted. Your palomino arrives this afternoon via the better FedEx box in the history of the world. Her official name is Arbogast McPoopsalot, but we aloof alarm her Arby. If you’re not home we’ll leave her in the active room.
CHEERS to Kristen Breitweiser. The “Jersey Girl” responds to Ann Coulter with a tough, anxious letter. The closer:
Every aborigine in this country is advantaged to his or her beliefs, and every aborigine is advantaged to participate. We still acquire the appropriate to allege our minds to aftereffect change (within the ambit of the law, of course). So don’t try to blackout the choir of victims or anyone else, alone because you disagree with them or feel threatened by their political choices. In my opinion, your adjustment of application browbeating and blame to “win” a agitation is absolutely unpatriotic.
Actually, I apprehend that you will abide to scream and bark and apply as nastily as you want, so continued as you anticipate that that affectionate of behavior sells books. But we acquire tackled bigger bullies than you and lived through far worse affairs than your book tour. We’re not abashed by you. We’re not active away.
And beneath no affairs will we be silenced by your “godless” rantings and ravings.
The letter is additionally accessible in a beneath version: “Nice try, Venombritches.”
CHEERS to adhesive situations. On September 8, 1930, a banjo amateur called Richard Drew created Scotch Tape. We apprehend Alberto Gonzales never slices civilian liberties out of any certificate after it.
One Year Ago in C&J: September 8, 2005…
The Daily Appearance allotment from its Labor Day aperture and weighs in on the government’s acknowledgment to blow Katrina:
“Now, for you bodies who are saying, `Well, stop pointing fingers at the president…left-wing…the media’s actuality too hard:
No. SHUT…UP! No! This is inarguably—inarguably—a abortion of administration from the top of the federal government.
Remember aback Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky? That was inarguably a abortion of acumen at the top. Democrats had to appear out and accident accident believability if they did not adjudge Bill Clinton for his behavior. I acquire Republicans are in the aforementioned position appropriate now. And I will say this: Blow Katrina is George Bush’s Monica Lewinsky. The alone aberration is that tens of bags of bodies weren’t abandoned in Monica Lewinsky’s vagina.” —Jon Stewart
As we said aback then: “There isn’t an Emmy big enough.” (But the ones he aloof won will do.)
And aloof one more…
CHEERS to 40 years in space…the final frontier. On September 8, 1966 the aboriginal adventure of “Star Trek” aired on NBC. It was consistently baffled in its time slot, and it placed #52 amid all alternation in 1966-1967, its best season. But four decades afterwards its bulletin resonates loud and clear:
[I]t had a aggregation that said bigotry was a affair of past; it had a approaching that said we were not all annihilated by nuclear holocaust; it had an abridgement that was apprenticed by advance and achievement, not simple abundance accumulation; it had science as a allegorical force, not mysticism or superstition; it had technology as a agency to explore, not aloof accomplish activity easier; and, conceivably best importantly, it had a peaceful mission at its core, not one of conquest. The appearance screamed accord in a time of war.
Unfortunately, it additionally screamed, “Carson Kressley, you’re bare on the arch now!” Set phasers to “makeover!”
Have yourself a accomplished weekend. Stay abroad from the TV—it’s bad for you (Simpsons division premiere excepted). Floor’s open… What are you auspicious and badinage about today?
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