It was apprenticed to appear at some time or other. I’m apologetic that it happened during my time, but we don’t accept the times in which we live. Still, it’s upsetting, alike now that it’s all over and all is well.
Somebody blanket the lifesized David Bowie nutcracker off of borough acreage and took it for a joy ride.
What, your boondocks doesn’t accept a lifesized David Bowie nutcracker on borough property?
Let me aback up and explain.
Every year for at atomic three years running, Steubenville has done article absolutely fun downtown. Yes, you apprehend that right. Fun in burghal Steubenville. I’m rather acclaimed for actuality aboveboard about Steubenville’s failings; you can assurance me to accord an honest assessment about aggregate I see here. And during the Advent and Christmas seasons, the burghal of Steubenville hosts a day-tripper allure that I wouldn’t absence for the world. We host the anniversary Nutcracker Village and Advent Market.
The Advent Market is a amphitheater of plywood booths, which we’re declared to alarm chalets, which sell Christmas ornaments, handmade decorations, candy and treats from bounded vendors. There’s consistently bootleg dupe milk avoid and bounded amoebic honey; there are soaps, candles and crafts. The vendors of dupe milk avoid additionally accompany forth a pen abounding of alive goats for a cuddle zoo. Bounded singers entertain. Some admirer comes with a flatbed barter to give hayrides. The bounded bus account drives bodies about for chargeless in a bus busy to attending like a trolley. I aboveboard adulation it. I like to pretend I’m at a Christkindlmarkt in a bizarre baby boondocks about in Germany.
The Nutcracker Village is a affectation of over a hundred handcrafted six-foot-tall nutcrackers interspersed about the chalets at the Advent Market. Each nutcracker is sponsored by a altered bounded group, and has a altered theme. There is a Rat Pack of nutcrackers assuming with microphones, aback aggregate in boondocks has to pay admiration to Dean Martin. There is a Sherlock Holmes with a deerstalker hat and pipe. There is a beautician nutcracker sponsored by a bounded adorableness shop. There is a bus driver in uniform. There’s a policeman, a fireman, a Polish dancer. There’s a grim-looking nutcracker fabricated to attending like John Calvin, appropriate abreast a grimmer one fabricated to attending like Saint Pio. There’s a sword-wielding Saint Paul, a Mother Teresa, a Serbian soldier, Clark Kent, a august Magritte with an angel face, a Da Vinci and so on. There is additionally a nutcracker in 80s face paint, captivation a board guitar. It’s meant to look like David Bowie, but aback it’s a accepted barrel-chested nutcracker with a mustache and continued white beard, it doesn’t. Still, it has Bowie architecture and it is a fun accession to the Nutcracker Village.
We apperceive that it was stolen, because the accomplished affair was bent on tape. You wouldn’t aloof leave a admired David Bowie nutcracker continuing about burghal Steubenville unattended; there are aegis cameras all over the Nutcracker Village. The aegis cameras acutely showed the perpetrators boring the barbate David Bowie idol to their barter and active it off against the Market Artery Bridge. I am apologetic to say that they did not booty the austere John Calvin as well. That affair is nightmare-inducing.
Everyone feared the worst, but allegedly the crooks aloof capital to borrow David Bowie for the day. They alternate the nutcracker this actual evening, none the worse for abrasion as far as the account is reporting. The didn’t assume to account for the actuality that the Nutcracker Village is amid anon beyond the artery from the Steubenville badge department– in fact, some sources are adage they larboard David Bowie in the badge department’s parking lot aback they brought him back. Our nutcrackers are safe for the nonce, as the perpetrators were taken anon to jail.
I feel like a celebratory agreeable break is in order.
The citizens of Steubenville got our handcrafted David Bowie Nutcracker back, aloof in time for the acuity Masses for the first Sunday of Advent. Christmas was saved. And Mrs. Pezzulo’s grinchy affection grew three sizes that day.
I assumption I’d bigger get that checked. It can’t be healthy.
(image via Pixabay)
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